You have several important decisions to make when you begin your divorce journey, including choosing the right divorce process. If you are considering mediation, the selection of the right divorce mediator is crucial for a successful mediation process. This article will help you understand the types of mediators, their styles, and important factors to consider when making your choice.
Understanding Types of Divorce Mediators
There are three main types of divorce mediators, each bringing different expertise to the table:
- Lawyer Mediators: Experts in legal procedures and state guidelines. However, they can’t provide legal advice during mediation
- Therapist Mediators: Skilled in handling complex emotional issues, especially useful for custody disputes or cases involving personality disorders
- Financial Mediators: Often Certified Divorce Financial Analysts® (CDFAs), they bring financial expertise to help determine optimal settlements
Ideally, look for a mediator who has knowledge in all these areas or consider building a team that covers these aspects.
Mediation Styles
Mediators typically use one of these styles:
- Facilitative: Encourages open communication and helps parties find their own solutions
- Evaluative/Directive: Provides recommendations based on their area of expertise, e.g., legal or financial
- Transformative: Focuses on empowering parties and improving their relationship
- Transactional: Goal-oriented approach focused on reaching an agreement, often using shuttle diplomacy
- Adaptive: Combines aspects of multiple styles based on the situation’s needs
Understanding these styles can help you choose a mediator whose approach aligns with your needs and preferences.
Dual Mediation
Dual mediation is an approach where two mediators work together to facilitate the divorce process. This method can offer several advantages:
- Complementary Expertise: The mediators often have different backgrounds (e.g., legal and financial, or legal and therapeutic), providing a more comprehensive approach to the mediation process
- Balanced Perspective: Having two mediators can help ensure a more balanced and neutral environment, as they can check each other’s biases
- Complex Case Management: For complicated divorces involving multiple issues (e.g., high-value assets, complex custody arrangements), dual mediation can provide the necessary expertise and attention to detail
- Gender Balance: Some couples feel more comfortable with a male-female mediator team, believing it provides a more balanced approach
- Modeling Cooperation: The mediators’ collaborative work can serve as a model for the divorcing couple, demonstrating effective communication and problem-solving
While dual mediation can be highly effective, it’s important to note that it may be more expensive than working with a single mediator. When considering this option, weigh the potential benefits against the increased cost.
Questions to Ask Potential Mediators
During your initial consultation, consider asking these questions:
- How do you define success in mediation, and how do you work towards it?
- What is your success rate in mediating divorces? What percentage of cases leave the mediation process and seek attorneys to resolve their differences?
- How much does your mediation service cost, and what’s included?
- How long are your sessions, and how many sessions do you typically need?
- What is your mediation style, and how do you handle conflicts?
- Do you have expertise in specific areas relevant to my case (e.g., complex financial assets, child custody)?
- How do you ensure fairness and neutrality in the mediation process?
Final Thoughts
Choosing the right divorce mediator is a personal decision that depends on your specific circumstances. Take the time to research and meet with potential mediators before making a decision. Remember, the goal is to find a mediator who can guide you through the process effectively, helping you reach a fair agreement while minimizing conflict and stress.
Consider scheduling initial consultations with a few mediators to get a sense of their style and approach. This will help you make an informed decision and choose a mediator who best fits your needs and situation.
And look for our upcoming article on the cost of divorce mediation!
Take Control of Your Future
Looking to explore your divorce options including mediation? Berni Stevens, an experienced mediator, divorce coach, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA), supports clients in mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation.
Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!
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