This week on the TruNorth Divorce Solutions “Divorce is NOT for Sissies” blog series we’re following up on The ABCs of Divorce, Separation, & Uncoupling with part two as we continue through the divorce alphabet.

I is for Information

Do your research; gathering information from reputable sources you can count on is your best defense. We offer monthly seminars on a variety of divorce topics to help you prepare.

J is for Just Breathe

This will be your mantra for the next year or so. Every time you feel your shoulders creep toward your ears, every time you tense your chest, or your throat feels tight, exhale. Take a deep breath. Repeat 3-4 times or until your jaw unclenches and you can take full breaths again.

K is for Kids

When separating with children, there are a lot more variables to juggle. Will you need to hire a family lawyer due to custody disagreements? Will you be working with a court liaison or court-appointed child psychologist who advocates on their behalf?

I also recommend a lot of research in this category, as there are a ton of self-help books, free apps, and podcasts dedicated to this tough subject and its brevity. Contact us if you want specific direction.

L is for Litigation

Litigation is a type of divorce dispute resolution and is often turned to when disagreements cannot be solved with mediation. The process involves filing with family court and having a judge or a commissioner determine who gets what, including custody of your children. Litigation should be a last resort.

M is for Mediation

Among divorce processes, mediation is typically the fastest, least stressful and least expensive option, while keeping you and your spouse in control of outcomes. Note: DIY divorce is under almost all circumstances an unwise choice if you have children or marital assets. You only get one chance to get it right, so don’t risk finding out that you could have saved thousands if you’d gotten the right assistance to begin with.

A mediator is a trained, neutral third party who assists both spouses in solving common divorce-related issues. The process is often used by couples who want to stay out of court and decide upon their custody agreement themselves.

N is for Negotiating

The first step to effectively negotiating with your spouse is to check your emotions and execute from a stable perspective. It also entails the ability to see and understand your spouse’s side, emotions, and needs.

The key is to focus on your interests and goals, rather than creating a victim/villain dynamic. Before you start negotiating, however, it’s important to have knowledge of the laws in your state surrounding divorce, especially if you share a child.

O is for Only the Facts

Your lawyer can only help you if you disclose all the facts, especially the ones you’re nervous about. It makes better legal sense to build a defense beforehand than to spring a surprise on your attorney later down the road.

P is for Price

Do you have an adequate picture of the cost of the divorce? The whole thing.The nitty-gritty details like babysitter fees and storage rentals and the sheer amount you’ll end up spending changing your hair after this? Consider your time and energy in addition to out-of-pocket fees and court costs.

TruNorth Divorce is Here for You

Can you say your divorce ABCs? If you need a more thorough guide to starting your divorce journey, send me a message on Facebook. In the meantime, you can flip through my free ebook, 7 Things to Do Before You Divorce. Above all, take care of yourself!

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