Are you considering divorce but dread the thought of courtroom drama? There’s another approach besides mediation that you may want to consider. Let’s dive in to explore!
What is Collaborative Divorce?
Many couples consider the possibility of mediation before engaging in divisive litigation. But what if mediation doesn’t seem just right? You can still divorce your spouse without divorcing your bank account or your sanity. Think of collaborative divorce as like a divorce party where everyone’s invited – you, your soon-to-be-ex, a couple of lawyers, and a team of professionals who aren’t there to judge you (unlike your in-laws).
Why Choose Collaborative Divorce?
- Less Drama: Save the drama for your favorite TV shows.
- More Control: Be the director of your divorce, not just an extra.
- Kinder to Kids: Because “mommy and daddy are working together” sounds better than “mommy and daddy are fighting in court.”
- Faster: Get it done quicker than you can say “irreconcilable differences.”
- Private: Keep your personal matters out of the public court records.
Assembling Your Collaborative Divorce Dream Team
Think of it as putting together an all-star lineup for Team Amicable Separation. Here’s who you’ll have in your corner:
The Stars of the Show: You and Your Soon-to-be-Ex
You’re the main characters in this divorce story. Your job? Try to keep it from turning into a tale of woe.
In collaborative divorce, you’re not just hiring a lawyer – you’re assembling a team of professionals to guide you through the process. Let’s take a closer look at each team member and their crucial roles:
The Directors: Collaborative Attorneys
Think of them as your legal navigators and negotiators-in-chief.
- Legal Guidance: They explain your rights, obligations, and the legal implications of decisions.
- Negotiation: They advocate for your interests during team meetings and help craft agreements.
- Document Preparation: They draft and review all legal documents, ensuring everything is in order.
- Process Management: They keep the collaborative process on track and moving forward.
Remember, unlike in litigation, these attorneys are committed to finding mutually beneficial solutions, not “winning” at all costs.
The Financial Wizard: The Neutral Financial Specialist
This financial guru is like a treasure map reader for your assets and debts.
- Financial Analysis: They gather and analyze all financial information, creating a clear picture of the marital estate.
- Budget Creation: They help create post-divorce budgets to ensure financial stability for both parties.
- Asset Division Scenarios: They model different asset division scenarios to help you understand the long-term implications.
- Tax Implications: They explain the tax consequences of different settlement options.
- Financial Education: They help less financially savvy spouses understand complex financial matters.
- Retirement Planning: They assist in dividing retirement accounts and planning for post-divorce retirement.
The Emotion Tamers: Divorce Coaches
Consider them your emotional Sherpas, guiding you through the psychological terrain of divorce.
- Emotional Support: They help you process the emotional aspects of divorce.
- Communication Skills: They teach effective communication techniques to use with your ex-spouse.
- Conflict Management: They provide strategies for managing conflict during and after the divorce.
- Future Planning: They assist in setting goals for your post-divorce life.
- Stress Management: They offer techniques for managing stress and anxiety during the process.
- Reality Testing: They help you examine whether your expectations and desires are realistic.
Special Guest Stars: Other Specialists (as needed)
These are your special ops team, brought in for specific missions.
- Child Specialist: Coordinates the parenting pan and co-parenting strategies.
- Real Estate Appraiser: Provides accurate valuations of real estate properties.
- Business Valuator: Determines the value of family businesses or professional practices.
- Pension Valuator: Calculates the present value of pension and retirement benefits.
- Career Counselor: Assists a spouse who needs to re-enter the job market.
- Mortgage Specialist: Helps with refinancing homes or securing new mortgages.
- Insurance Specialist: Advises on health, life, and disability insurance needs post-divorce.
How They Work Together
Imagine all these professionals as a well-oiled machine, each part working in harmony:
- Information Gathering: Each professional collects relevant information in their area of expertise.
- Team Meetings: Regular meetings are held where all professionals share insights and work on solutions.
- Collaborative Problem-Solving: The team works together to generate options that meet both spouses’ needs.
- Client Education: Each professional ensures that both spouses understand the implications of decisions in their area.
- Agreement Crafting: The team collaborates to create a comprehensive settlement agreement.
The beauty of this team approach is that it addresses all aspects of your divorce – legal, financial, emotional, and parental – in an integrated way. It’s like having a personal board of directors for your divorce, all working towards the common goal of a fair and sustainable agreement.
Remember, while this team might seem like a lot, they’re all there to make the process smoother, more efficient, and ultimately more beneficial for everyone involved. It’s not just about ending your marriage; it’s about setting you up for success in your post-divorce life.
Is Collaborative Divorce for Everyone?
Collaborative divorce works best if you and your ex can still be in the same room without reenacting famous feuds. If you’re more “mortal enemies” than “amicable exes,” traditional litigation might be your only option.
Remember, divorce doesn’t have to be a battle where the only winners are the lawyers. With collaborative divorce, you can split up and still split a pizza afterward. It’s not just a divorce; it’s a divorce with a silver lining!
So, if you’re looking for a kinder, gentler way to say goodbye to your marriage, collaborative divorce might just be your ticket to a smoother split. Who knows? You might even remain on speaking terms with your ex. On a personal note, my ex and I continue to share major holidays and celebrations with our children—over twenty-five years after the divorce! It may not seem conceivable now, but an amicable divorce can lay the groundwork for a united family in the future.
Take Control of Your Future
Looking to explore your divorce options including mediation? Berni Stevens, an experienced mediator, divorce coach, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA), supports clients in mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation.
Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!
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