I Want a Divorce…Now What?

by | Sep 11, 2025

It’s no secret that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, even more if you’re in your 2nd or 3rd marriage. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing depends on your perspective. I’m a believer that life is short and everyone is entitled to their happiness. My guess is that if you’re not happy in your marriage, your spouse isn’t either.

If you’re thinking about ending your marriage there a few steps you need to take before you initiate your divorce. These will help to ensure the best outcome for you should you decide to move forward. This is not a decision to be taken lightly and a little preparation can go a long way. The reality is that you now have to stop thinking emotionally and start thinking financially.

#1 Get Real and Start Planning

Divorce may be the toughest this you’ll ever do. Believe me, I know. Right now all you may be thinking about is how miserable you are and that you have to get out. Before you pull the plug though, take a deep breath. Then start planning so that you (and your children) have the best foundation for a happier future.

Start by assessing your current lifestyle and what you’d be able to afford on your own. What’s your current budget and spending? How much will it cost you to live on your own? How much more will you need to get by? Will this come from child support, alimony, a new job? If child support or alimony, best get some help figuring out how much that will be. If you need a new job, will that require more schooling or training? Do you want to keep the marital home? If so, can you refinance it in order to keep it? Can you really afford it? Too often this is an overly emotional decision. Will the kids really be happier in their current house if you’re struggling to pay the mortgage and utility bills?

Finally, what do you want your life to look like in five, ten, twenty years? What other situations in your life have you encountered where you had to call on your best qualities to succeed? Which qualities will you need now to get you where you want to go? How will you define a “successful divorce”? How will you take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually over the next difficult months to ensure that success?

# 2 Get Divorce Support

Now that you’ve taken stock and assessed what you’ll need. What kind of support will you need? A good therapist for emotional strength? A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) or a CDFA®-Mediator to help you plan financially and for what a realistic settlement will look like? A divorce coach to help with all the decisions you’ll need to make along the way? A lawyer if you think litigation is inevitable?

A piece of advice, your first phone call should not be a lawyer! Assess your alternatives and ask for support where applicable but don’t assume you’ll need a lawyer for your divorce.

#3 Protect Yourself Financially

You will need to prepare for divorce and set some things up financially before your spouse is aware that you want a divorce or has reason to make life difficult for you. Start by opening your own checking and savings accounts and make sure there’s enough in them to get you by for two or three months. Get your credit report and start monitoring it periodically. Apply for a credit card or two in your own name. Last, consider you will, as well as beneficiaries on investment accounts and insurance policies. You should make appropriate chances in case something happens to you.

The divorce process can be scary and overwhelming. Starting with a plan and professionals that you trust to guide you through the process can be key in making sure you’re ready for you future. If you’re thinking about divorce schedule your complimentary divorce strategy session where we’ll explore your options and connect you with any resources you might need.

Why a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst is Essential to an Optimal Financial Settlement

by | Sep 11, 2025

A couple’s finances constitute a large component of their divorce and can bring significant anxiety and stress. Most wonder how support will be determined, how marital property should be divided, whether they’ll have to divide their pensions or retirement accounts, and more. Unlike any other divorce professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) is uniquely equipped to address these issues.

What does a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) do?

A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst is a professional equipped with specialized knowledge in financial matters related to divorce. These experts undergo rigorous training and examination to earn their certification, making them well-versed in the intricacies of divorce finances.

CDFA’s help individuals and couples determine an optimal financial settlement agreement that helps answer the questions “will I have enough to pay my bills after the divorce” and “in the future, will I have sufficient net worth to meet my longer term objectives?” Assets are not all alike and shouldn’t necessarily be split 50/50 down the middle. Assets may be a mix of marital (subject to division) and separate, they have varying tax consequences, impact on cash flow, and rates of return. Thus, optimal settlements take into account taxes (income and capital gains), accurate valuations, and determination of what is marital vs. separate, and the short-term impact on cash flow, as well as the longer-term impact on future wealth. 

A CDFA can also help determine the right level of child support and alimony needed for the lesser-earning spouse to meet their post-divorce budgets. In most states, child support is based on state legislature guidelines based on the parents’ incomes, but they are just guidelines and only provide minimums. Alimony is a subjective determination based on a variety of factors including age, earning potential, and likelihood of future inheritances.

Benefits of Working with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst

A CDFA empowers individuals to make informed financial decisions, avoid common pitfalls, and ultimately secure a more stable and equitable post-divorce future post-divorce. Let’s look more closely at some of the benefits of working with a CDFA.

1. Inform Financial Settlement Decisions

In essence, the CDFA acts as a financial compass during the divorce process, steering individuals and couples towards informed choices that guide them toward their future true north. This clarity goes beyond a mere snapshot; it extends to a detailed examination of their short and long-term priorities and goals along with an exploration of assets, debts, income streams, and potential future financial scenarios.

A CDFA’s focus on long-term financial planning is a forward-looking approach that transcends the turbulence of divorce proceedings. It ensures that clients not only secure a fair divorce settlement but also position themselves for a stable and prosperous financial future, laying the groundwork for a new chapter with confidence and foresight.

Cash flow is typically an immediate concern and a significant source of anxiety. So, the first step is to get a snapshot of the current financial situation,  including current spending. From there, the CDFA helps clients build a post-divorce budget based on their specific objectives and priorities. Next comes identifying future financial goals, e.g., buying a house, funding children’s or grandchildren’s educations, and retirement. We are then able to look at how various support and marital property division scenarios will affect their ability to meet these goals. The outcome of these exercises allows divorcing individuals and couples to make informed settlement decisions. Lawyers, judges, and courts don’t provide that kind of information and blind settlement decisions lead to lost opportunities and highly consequential financial mistakes. 

2. Safeguard Financial Assets and Income 

The Certified Divorce Financial Analyst’s role in asset protection becomes a linchpin in fostering financial resilience and ensuring that clients can embark on the next chapter of their lives with a robust and safeguarded financial foundation. Most divorcing couples avoid the possibility that alimony and child support could terminate upon the provider’s incapacitation or death. CDFA’s will work with you to determine if an alimony buyout will be in your best interests and examine such safeguards as purchasing life and disability insurance or establishing a trust for the children to reduce the risk of a financially catastrophic event.

Example

Here’s a detailed example to illustrate the potential mistake of opting for periodic alimony payments over a one-time alimony buyout.

  • Spouse A earns significantly more than Spouse B.
  • The settlement options include alimony payments or a one-time alimony buyout.
Option 1: Periodic Alimony Payments
  • Alimony Agreement: Spouse A pays Spouse B $3,000 per month for 10 years.
  • Total Alimony Paid Over 10 Years: $3,000 x 12 months x 10 years = $360,000.
Financial Implications for Spouse A
  • Income Stream: Regular monthly payments provide a steady income.
  • Inflation: The value of the $3,000 monthly payment will decrease over time due to inflation.
  • Dependency: Financial dependency on Spouse B for the duration of the alimony payments.
  • Risk: If Spouse B’s financial situation changes (e.g., loss of job, disability), the payments might be reduced or terminated.
Option 2: Alimony Buyout
  • Buyout Amount: A lump sum, let’s say $250,000, paid to Spouse A instead of periodic payments.
Financial Implications for Spouse A
  • Lump Sum: Immediate access to a significant amount of money.
  • Investment Opportunity: Potential to invest the lump sum in a diversified portfolio or other investment vehicles.
    • Example: Investing $250,000 with an average annual return of 5% for 10 years.
  • Tax Implications: Depending on jurisdiction and laws, the lump sum might have different tax implications than periodic payments.
  • Financial Independence: No dependency on Spouse A for future payments.
  • Inflation: The lump sum can be invested to potentially outpace inflation.
Potential Mistake in Choosing Periodic Payments
  • Opportunity Cost: Spouse B misses out on the potential growth of the lump sum investment.
  • Financial Risk: Relying on Spouse B’s ability to make future payments.
  • Inflation: Decreasing value of the $3,000 monthly payment.

If Spouse B opts for the alimony buyout and invests the $250,000 lump sum with an average annual return of 5%, after 10 years, this investment could grow to approximately $407,224. This amount significantly exceeds the total of $360,000 that would be received from periodic payments.

  • Lump Sum = $250,000
  • Rate = 5% (or 0.05)
  • Years = 10

Investment Growth: The lump sum investment option potentially offers Spouse B a higher total return, assuming an average annual return of 5%.

  • Financial Independence: Choosing the lump sum also grants Spouse B immediate financial independence and flexibility, without relying on Spouse A’s future payments.
  • Risk Mitigation: It eliminates the risk associated with Spouse A’s ability to make future payments.
  • Inflation Protection: The investment can potentially outpace inflation, preserving or even increasing the purchasing power of the initial amount.

3. Avoid Financial Settlement Mistakes

There are many costly mistakes that can be avoided by working with a CDFA.

Example 1: Keeping the Marital Home

One of the most common financial mistakes that divorcing individuals make is keeping the marital home because of emotional attachment and/or desire to keep the children in the same neighborhood or school district. Keeping the house, though, can have serious financial consequences. Many do not anticipate the real cost of maintaining a house, e.g., unexpected repairs, taxes, or homeowners’ association assessments, the increased cost of a mortgage after refinancing, or they don’t fully appreciate the impact of foregoing the proceeds of the sale of the house.

  • Marital Home Value: $500,000
  • Remaining Mortgage: $300,000
  • Other Assets: $200,000 in savings, $300,000 in a retirement account

Spouse A decides to keep the marital home, while Spouse B takes the retirement account and half of the savings ($100,000).

Spouse A assumes the mortgage, taking full responsibility for the remaining $300,000 debt.

Financial Implications for Spouse A

  • Equity in Home: $200,000 (the home value of $500,000 minus the mortgage of $300,000).
  • Cash Assets: $100,000 (half of the savings).
  • Debt: Assumes the full mortgage of $300,000.
  • Liquidity: Low, as most of Spouse A’s assets are tied up in the home.
  • Maintenance and Upkeep Costs: Ongoing expenses for maintaining the home, can be substantial and often underestimated.
  • Property Taxes and Insurance: Continuing obligations that can be a significant annual financial burden

Challenges for Spouse A

  • Affordability: If Spouse A’s income is not sufficient to cover the mortgage payments, property taxes, maintenance, and other living expenses, they might face financial strain
  • Refinancing the Mortgage: Spouse A may need to refinance the mortgage to assume it solely, which could come with a higher interest rate or unfavorable terms
  • Lack of Diversification: Spouse A’s financial situation is heavily invested in a single asset (the home), which can be risky, especially if the real estate market fluctuates
  • Selling the Home in the Future: If Spouse A needs to sell the home, they might incur real estate fees, and if the market is down, they could sell at a loss. Also, the home’s equity might not have increased as expected

Financial Implications for Spouse B

  • Spouse B walks away with liquid assets ($100,000 in savings) and a retirement account worth $300,000, which likely will grow over time and is diversified
  • Spouse B has more financial flexibility and potentially less financial stress

With a CDFA ‘s guidance, individuals will be guided to accurately estimate future expenses and assess the impact on longer-term financial health.

Example 2: Treating All Marital Assets Equally

Another example of a mistake that can be avoided is treating all assets as essentially the same. Many couples strive for a 50/50 division of their assets but are they really dividing things equally? Not all assets (and debts) are created equally. Assets are taxed differently, have varying growth returns, and impact on liquidity. Consider this situation where the property division doesn’t consider taxes:

Total Assets: Let’s assume the couple has a total asset pool of $1 million, which includes a house valued at $500,000, a stock portfolio worth $300,000, and savings of $200,000.

  • House: Spouse A keeps the house (valued at $500,000). Usually, there might be capital gains tax considerations if the house is sold, but in this scenario, we’re not accounting for that.
  • Stock Portfolio: Spouse B receives the stock portfolio ($300,000). Normally, selling stocks might incur capital gains tax, but it’s not considered here.
  • Savings: The savings ($200,000) are split equally, giving each spouse $100,000.

Implications

  • Spouse with House: Spouse A has an asset worth $500,000, but if they decide to sell the house later, they might face a substantial tax bill, which hasn’t been accounted for in this division
  • Spouse with Stocks: Similarly, Spouse B has stocks worth $300,000. If they sell these stocks, they might incur capital gains tax, which can significantly reduce the actual value they receive from this asset
  • Savings: Both have liquid assets of $100,000 each, which are not typically subject to immediate taxes
  • Liquidity: Spouse A who kept the house and stocks might face liquidity issues as their assets are not readily convertible to cash without potential tax implications

Fairness: The division might seem equal in terms of gross value, but after considering taxes on the sale of assets, one of these spouses will likely end up with significantly less net value

Take Control of Your Future

When you consider divorce, or if you know someone who is contemplating divorce, one of the biggest realities for those in the divorce process is the financial settlement and financial analysis post-divorce. Get the assistance of Berni Stevens, a Mediator, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), and divorce coach.

Berni provides step-by-step guidance on matters related to divorce. With a wide range of experience and expertise related to divorce issues, Berni will simplify the process and provide much-needed clarity in areas such as long-term tax consequences, asset, and debt analysis, dividing pension plans, continued health care coverage, stock option elections, protecting support with life insurance, and much more. She can also guide you through building an effective parenting plan, and getting your divorce processed through the court.

Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!

The Real Cost of Divorce Mediation

by | Sep 11, 2025

Divorce is never easy, but it doesn’t always have to be a battlefield. For many couples, mediation offers a more amicable and cost-effective alternative to traditional litigation. As a divorce mediator in Maryland, I’ve seen firsthand how mediation can save couples time, money, and emotional stress. But one question I’m often asked is, “How much does divorce mediation really cost?” In this comprehensive guide, we’ll break down the costs associated with divorce mediation, compare it to other methods, and help you understand what factors influence the overall expense.

Understanding the Basics of Divorce Mediation Costs

Before we dive into specific numbers, it’s important to understand that the cost of divorce mediation can vary widely based on several factors. These include your location, the complexity of your case, the mediator’s background and experience, and the number of sessions required to reach an agreement.

Average Costs 

In the U.S., the average cost of mediation typically ranges from $3,000 to $8,000 for a full mediation process. Some mediators charge by the hour, with rates often between $200 to $500 per hour.

What’s Included (and What’s Not)

Typically, the costs mentioned above cover the mediator’s time for sessions and some preparation work. However, they usually do not include:

  1. Preparation of legal documents
  2. Court filing fees
  3. Attorney review of the mediation agreement (if desired)
  4. Any necessary appraisals or financial analyzes

The cost for preparing and filing divorce papers can range from $300 to $1,500 or more, depending on the complexity of the case and whether an attorney is involved. Court filing fees are separate and vary by county, typically ranging from $100 to $400.

Factors Influencing the Cost of Divorce Mediation

Several key factors can significantly impact the overall cost of your divorce mediation:

1. Mediator’s Professional Background

The professional background of your mediator can have a substantial influence on both their hourly rate and their approach to your case. Let’s break down the typical costs and benefits associated with different types of mediators:

Attorney-Mediators

  • Typical hourly rate: $300 to $800
  • Benefits: 
    • Extensive legal knowledge
    • Ability to draft legally sound agreements
    • Understanding of court expectations
    • Skill in handling complex legal issues

Attorney-mediators bring extensive legal knowledge and understanding of court expectations. It’s important to note that while attorney-mediators bring valuable legal expertise to the table, they cannot provide legal advice to either party during mediation. Their role is to facilitate agreement and provide general legal information, not to act as an attorney for either side. Moreover, most mediated cases do not require legal knowledge beyond what is readily available to the public and other professionals who specialize in divorce. They also do not have an in-depth understanding of divorce finance nor handling of complex emotional situations.

Mental Health Professionals (Psychologists, Therapists)

  • Typical hourly rate: $150 to $400
  • Benefits:
    • Skilled at handling emotional issues
    • Expertise in child-related disputes
    • Ability to improve communication between parties
    • Understanding of family dynamics

Therapist mediators are particularly beneficial when there are significant emotional issues or child custody disputes. They can help navigate complex emotions, facilitate better communication, and keep the focus on the best interests of any children involved. They also do not have an in-depth understanding of divorce finance nor handling of complex emotional situations.

Financial Professionals (CPAs, Financial Advisors)

  • Typical hourly rate: $200 to $500
  • Benefits:
    • Expertise in complex financial matters
    • Skilled at business, pension, and executive compensation valuations
    • Understanding of tax implications
    • Ability to create long-term financial projections

Financial mediators are invaluable when dealing with high-net-worth divorces, complex asset divisions, or cases involving business, pension or executive compensation valuations. They can provide insights into the long-term financial implications of various settlement options. They typically do not have the skills required to handle complex emotional situations or custody disputes.

When choosing a mediator, consider not just the hourly rate, but also how their specific expertise aligns with your needs. Sometimes, paying more for a mediator with the right background can lead to a more efficient process and better outcomes, potentially saving money in the long run.

2. Complexity of Your Case

The more complex your situation, the more time (and thus, money) it will likely take to reach a resolution. Factors that can increase complexity include:

  • High-value or complex assets (e.g., businesses, multiple properties, international investments)
  • Child custody and support issues
  • Spousal support considerations
  • Significant debt to be divided
  • Inheritance or trust fund issues

3. Level of Conflict

If you and your spouse are generally cooperative and willing to compromise, your mediation may proceed more quickly and cost less. High-conflict cases often require more sessions and more intensive mediator involvement, increasing the overall cost.

4. Geographic Location

As with many services, the cost of mediation can vary significantly based on where you live. Urban areas and regions with a higher cost of living typically have higher mediation rates.

5. Number of Sessions Required

Most divorces require multiple mediation sessions. The number can range from 2-3 for very simple cases to 10 or more for complex situations. Each session typically lasts 2-3 hours.

Conclusion: Is Divorce Mediation Worth the Cost?

While the cost of divorce mediation can vary widely, it’s generally a more affordable option than traditional litigation. More importantly, it often leads to better outcomes for all involved, especially when children are part of the equation.

When choosing a mediator, consider not just their hourly rate, but also their professional background and how it aligns with your specific needs. Sometimes, paying more for the right expertise can lead to a more efficient process and better long-term outcomes.

Remember, the goal of mediation is not just to end your marriage, but to do so in a way that allows both parties to move forward positively. When viewed through this lens, the cost of mediation can be seen as an investment in a healthier, more stable future for you and your family.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue mediation should be based on your unique circumstances, financial situation, and willingness to work cooperatively with your spouse. For many couples, the combination of cost savings, reduced stress, and better outcomes makes mediation an invaluable tool in navigating the challenging process of divorce.

As you consider your options, don’t hesitate to reach out to multiple mediators for consultations. Most offer an initial meeting at low or no cost, allowing you to find the right fit for your situation. With the right mediator and a commitment to the process, you can navigate your divorce with dignity, fairness, and financial wisdom.

Take Control of Your Future

Looking to explore your divorce options including mediation? Berni Stevens, an experienced mediator, divorce coach, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA), supports clients in mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation.

Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!

You can read more divorce related articles, news and resources here. Don’t forget to follow along on social media for helpful divorce tips and resources!

The Goldilocks of Divorce: Why Collaborative Divorce Might Be Just Right

by | Apr 6, 2025

Once upon a time, in the land of Breakupsburg, there lived three divorce options: Papa Bear Litigation (too hot), Mama Bear Mediation (too cold), and Baby Bear Collaborative Divorce. Let’s explore why collaborative divorce might be the bowl of porridge that’s just right for many couples.

Not Too Adversarial, Not Too Kumbaya

Collaborative divorce strikes a balance between the formality of litigation and the informality of mediation. You get legal representation without declaring all-out war. It’s like having a peace treaty and a battle plan at the same time.

Support That’s Just Right

Unlike litigation (where you might feel like a spectator in your own divorce) or mediation (where you might feel under-supported), collaborative divorce gives you a team of professionals without overwhelming you. It’s like having a personal cheering squad, but they all have advanced degrees.

A Structure That Fits

More structured than mediation, but more flexible than litigation, collaborative divorce offers a “just right” process for many couples. It’s like having a map for your journey, but you can still take scenic detours if needed.

The Right Amount of Expertise

You get the financial and child expertise you need, without the overkill of multiple court-appointed experts. It’s like having a Swiss Army knife instead of an entire toolshed – just the right tools for the job.

Pace That’s Not Too Fast, Not Too Slow

Move faster than litigation allows, but take more time than mediation might to really work through issues. It’s like a divorce slow cooker – it takes time, but the results are worth it.

Communication That’s Just Right

More supported than the direct negotiations in mediation, but less adversarial than communication through litigation. It’s like having a translator for those times when you and your ex seem to be speaking different languages.

A Future Focus That Fits

Unlike litigation (which looks mainly at the past and present) or mediation (which might not have the tools to plan extensively), collaborative divorce helps you create a vision for your post-divorce life that’s just right. It’s like having a GPS for your future, not just a rearview mirror.

Why Collaborative Divorce Might Be Your Goldilocks Solution

  1. It’s Flexible: Like Goldilocks trying out different chairs, collaborative divorce allows you to customize the process to fit your needs.
  2. It’s Balanced: Not too hard, not too soft – it strikes the right balance between protecting your interests and promoting cooperation.
  3. It’s Supported: You have a team of experts, like Goldilocks had the three bears (except your team won’t chase you out of the house).
  4. It’s Forward-Looking: While addressing your current issues, it also helps you plan for a future that’s “just right.”
  5. It’s Comprehensive: Like a perfect bowl of porridge, it has all the ingredients you need for a satisfying resolution.

Remember, like Goldilocks, you might need to try a few approaches before you find the one that’s just right. But for many couples, collaborative divorce offers that perfect middle ground – not too hard, not too soft, but just right for moving forward into your new life.

So, if you’re looking for a divorce option that’s not too hot, not too cold, but just right, collaborative divorce might be your Goldilocks solution. It might not come with a fairy tale ending, but it could help you write a pretty good “happily ever after” for your post-divorce life.

Take Control of Your Future

Looking to explore your divorce options including mediation? Berni Stevens, an experienced mediator, divorce coach, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA), supports clients in mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation.

Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!

You can read more divorce related articles, news and resources here. Don’t forget to follow along on social media for helpful divorce tips and resources!

Navigating Divorce Asset Division: Expert Tips for a Fair Settlement (and Who Gets the Dog in Divorce)

by | Oct 30, 2024

When it comes to divorce, dividing assets can feel overwhelming. It’s also often more complicated than simply deciding who gets the dog (though let’s face it, belly rubs do go a long way!). For many couples, the process of dividing assets brings up important questions. For example: What counts as marital versus separate property? And how do you fairly value pensions, estates, or other high-value assets? These are critical decisions that will ultimately shape your financial future, so they require a well-informed and thoughtful approach.

At TruNorth Divorce, we specialize in guiding you through this complex process. Our comprehensive services include divorce financial analysis, mediation, and collaborative divorce, each one focused on making sure that asset division is handled with the utmost expertise and fairness. Whether you’re managing high-net-worth estates or working through the intricate details of a tax-optimized settlement, we’re here to help make these challenging decisions easier. We want both parties to benefit from fair and balanced outcomes, so you can focus on moving forward.

Take Control of Your Future

If you’re beginning to explore your divorce options, including mediation, TruNorth’s Berni Stevens is ready to support you at every step. As an experienced mediator, divorce coach, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA), Berni provides invaluable expertise in mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation. Her mission is to empower clients to make confident decisions that serve their best interests throughout the divorce journey.

Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!

Taking control of your financial future can start with a single step. Set up a free Divorce Strategy Session with us today, and let’s work together to clarify your next steps.

For further insights and support, check out our full collection of divorce-related articles, news, and resources here. And don’t forget to follow us on social media for ongoing tips and resources to help you navigate this journey with greater confidence!