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Once you’ve made the decision to go ahead and move forward with a divorce, the next step is deciding how you want to pursue a divorce settlement agreement. One of the questions that you might ask yourself is whether divorce mediation is the right choice for you here in Maryland.
If you’re getting a divorce in the state of Maryland, the first step is to explore the options that are available to you locally. Did you know that most modern divorces don’t go to court? It’s true. Unless there are issues present that are complicating your divorce and barring you from reaching any kind of reasonable mutual agreement, you probably won’t be needing to hire a family law lawyer to handle your divorce proceedings.
1. Why divorce mediation is a great alternative to hiring a lawyer
If you’re seeking divorce mediation in Montgomery County, you might know that it’s a great alternative to hiring a divorce attorney to handle the proceedings. Why? For starters, divorce isn’t cheap. While the rates charged by divorce mediators and family law lawyers vary by location and different professionals bring with them a different level of expertise, divorce mediation is generally more affordable. Divorce mediators in the US charge anywhere between $100 and $1000 an hour, and the average cost of mediation varies between $3,500 to $7,500 (this is dependent on the nature of mediation services and on how long it takes to reach an agreement).
2. Mediators are out-of-court settlement negotiation experts
Another reason that many divorcing couples choose to work with divorce mediators over hiring attorneys is that it’s not always necessary for a divorce to go to court. Court is costly in terms of dollars and time spent for all parties involved—you, your soon-to-be-ex, your lawyer, court officials, etc. The fact of the matter is that unless your divorce is hopelessly contested, you will be settling it outside of the courtroom.
The court plays a very small role in uncontested divorces in terms of filing paperwork and submitting fees. Your divorce settlement agreement won’t be legally presided over by a judge but will be recognized and upheld by the court as legally binding. Professional mediators have the expertise and know-how to handle the ins-and-outs of out of court settlements with the same ease that a divorce lawyer can. Both specialize in handling divorce negotiations. Lawyers only provide an edge when the court is involved because they know the court system and can better navigate contested divorces.
3. How to go about choosing a divorce mediator
If you choose to seek out the services of a local mediator, it’s important to do your homework. Ask questions about their mediation process and about the professional expertise that they bring to the table. This will not only help you gauge expectations when it comes to the mediation process, it will provide you with a clear picture of the services you’re paying for.
Looking to explore your options for divorce mediation in the Towson, Maryland area? TruNorth Divorce Solutions can provide divorce mediation packages tailored to fit your needs. Visit our Maryland office or schedule a free strategy session to learn more.
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This week on the TruNorth Divorce Solutions “Divorce is NOT for Sissies” blog series we’re finishing up The ABCs of Divorce, Separation, & Uncoupling with part three as we finish the divorce alphabet.
Q is for Quit Beating Yourself Up
The rates for divorce are difficult to argue with, so you might as well stop blaming it all on yourself. It takes two to create a successful marriage. Use this as an opportunity to explore what your role was in the breakup so that you can move forward and, perhaps, find a more satisfying relationship in the future.
R is for Real Estate
For many, the largest dispute will also be over the largest asset, typically, the house. If you share a home together and it was purchased after you were married, at the time of divorce both spouses will continue to own the house and remain on the deed or mortgage until the divorce is finalized. A CDFA® (Certified Divorce Financial Advisor) can help you determine what should happen with the marital home by answering questions like, who can afford to keep the home, should it be sold and the assets split, can one partner be “bought out”?
S is for Spousal Support
Spousal support is not the same as alimony but many use the terms interchangeably. Spousal support is payments made to the lesser earning spouse before the divorce is final and it’s calculated based on relative incomes of the parties. Alimony, on the other hand, is what one spouse pays another after the divorce and it can be based on many factors, e.g., age, health, length of the marriage, and financial need. In most states today, alimony is seen as rehabilitative and temporary, enabling the lesser-earning spouse to become self-supporting. It’s important to understand how alimony is viewed in your state and even at the local court level.
T is for Trial
In the case that both parties cannot agree on a mutually beneficial solution, the divorce may ultimately be decided by the court. This entails presenting your case in a formal trial to a judge who will hear both spouses’ cases and then make the final call regarding child support, shared property and assets, and alimony. The vast majority of divorce cases do not go to trial but may still involve the court with motions, petitions, conferences, hearings, and ongoing attorney negotiations until settled. Litigation, or involving the court, takes control out of your hands, can be expensive, and emotionally draining.
U is for Unbiased Opinions
When someone tells you that you need a professional, what if what they really said was; you need someone who is trained to listen without bias and provide objective feedback on how to process divorce, a very traumatic event. Seek information from a variety of reputable divorce professionals, including a divorce coach, divorce financial planner (CDFA®), mediator, litigator, and mental health therapist.
V is for Visitation
Visitation is a somewhat outdated word as it implies that one parent gets very limited amounts of time just “visiting” with the child(ren). The majority of divorced parents now share both legal and physical custody today. You’ll want a clearly spelled out custody agreement and parenting plan to establish schedules and set boundaries for important decisions regarding the health and welfare of your child(ren).
W is for When You Need Help, Ask
When someone offers you an apple, take the apple. You need support during a divorce as divorce affects all aspects of our lives. Friends and family will be supportive but it’s important to get the right help from professionals, whether therapy, divorce, or parent coaching and financial planning. You want to rely on people you can trust and are objective so you can create clear pragmatic solutions.
Y is for You Won’t Always Feel This Way
Don’t dwell on the past and what has already transpired. It’s happened, and it’s done. There’s no point in analyzing further, all that’s left is to keep walking forward.
Z is for Zen (H2)
As time-consuming as a divorce can be, it is therefore of the utmost importance to keep taking care of you. This means some kind of daily practice that is easy to replicate and won’t cause additional stress.
Yoga, meditation, and mindfulness are great tools for accessing small moments of peace and surrender during hectic schedules and emotional stress. Even five minutes every day can help.
TruNorth Divorce is Here for You
Can you say your divorce ABCs? If you need a more thorough guide to starting your divorce journey, send me a message on Facebook. In the meantime, you can flip through my free ebook, 7 Things to Do Before You Divorce. Above all, take care of yourself!
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This week on the TruNorth Divorce Solutions “Divorce is NOT for Sissies” blog series we’re following up on The ABCs of Divorce, Separation, & Uncoupling with part two as we continue through the divorce alphabet.
I is for Information
Do your research; gathering information from reputable sources you can count on is your best defense. We offer monthly seminars on a variety of divorce topics to help you prepare.
J is for Just Breathe
This will be your mantra for the next year or so. Every time you feel your shoulders creep toward your ears, every time you tense your chest, or your throat feels tight, exhale. Take a deep breath. Repeat 3-4 times or until your jaw unclenches and you can take full breaths again.
K is for Kids
When separating with children, there are a lot more variables to juggle. Will you need to hire a family lawyer due to custody disagreements? Will you be working with a court liaison or court-appointed child psychologist who advocates on their behalf?
I also recommend a lot of research in this category, as there are a ton of self-help books, free apps, and podcasts dedicated to this tough subject and its brevity. Contact us if you want specific direction.
L is for Litigation
Litigation is a type of divorce dispute resolution and is often turned to when disagreements cannot be solved with mediation. The process involves filing with family court and having a judge or a commissioner determine who gets what, including custody of your children. Litigation should be a last resort.
M is for Mediation
Among divorce processes, mediation is typically the fastest, least stressful and least expensive option, while keeping you and your spouse in control of outcomes. Note: DIY divorce is under almost all circumstances an unwise choice if you have children or marital assets. You only get one chance to get it right, so don’t risk finding out that you could have saved thousands if you’d gotten the right assistance to begin with.
A mediator is a trained, neutral third party who assists both spouses in solving common divorce-related issues. The process is often used by couples who want to stay out of court and decide upon their custody agreement themselves.
N is for Negotiating
The first step to effectively negotiating with your spouse is to check your emotions and execute from a stable perspective. It also entails the ability to see and understand your spouse’s side, emotions, and needs.
The key is to focus on your interests and goals, rather than creating a victim/villain dynamic. Before you start negotiating, however, it’s important to have knowledge of the laws in your state surrounding divorce, especially if you share a child.
O is for Only the Facts
Your lawyer can only help you if you disclose all the facts, especially the ones you’re nervous about. It makes better legal sense to build a defense beforehand than to spring a surprise on your attorney later down the road.
P is for Price
Do you have an adequate picture of the cost of the divorce? The whole thing.The nitty-gritty details like babysitter fees and storage rentals and the sheer amount you’ll end up spending changing your hair after this? Consider your time and energy in addition to out-of-pocket fees and court costs.
TruNorth Divorce is Here for You
Can you say your divorce ABCs? If you need a more thorough guide to starting your divorce journey, send me a message on Facebook. In the meantime, you can flip through my free ebook, 7 Things to Do Before You Divorce. Above all, take care of yourself!
