Why You Need a Divorce Mediator in Maryland

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Most of us feel overwhelmed and rather clueless about which direction to take once we conclude we’re going to get a divorce. Traditionally, the first move had been to call a lawyer but you should pause, take a breath, and then reach out to the right professional to get you going in the proper direction for you and your family.

 Other than a DIY divorce (unadvisable unless you have neither assets nor children), mediation is the least expensive and fastest way to get your divorce. A divorce negotiated through mediation will also help you preserve a civil relationship with your spouse, especially important if you have children, and always important for your self-esteem. If you live in Maryland (or any other state) you should first seek the help of a divorce mediator in Maryland to discuss whether this is a viable option for you. 

The Best Mediator for Your Maryland Divorce

Divorce impacts us emotionally and financially and must be processed within the confines of the law. It’s generally not a good idea to go through this process alone, especially when there are qualified professionals who can help guide you through the process and address each of the facets of divorce, not just legal. 

If you choose a divorce mediator in Maryland, identify an experienced moderator who has not only knowledge of Maryland divorce laws and procedures but also training in divorce financial and emotional issues. The mediators at TruNorth Divorce take a holistic perspective on divorce and are dually certified as divorce financial analysts and divorce coaches. They have also been extensively trained in divorce mediation, including how to process your divorce legally. Don’t expect your divorce lawyer-mediator to be  skilled in all of these areas–the reality is that attorneys aren’t trained in anything besides law and often don’t know what they don’t know. Consider adding in a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst CDFA® and divorce coach to your team if you go the lawyer route.

Reach out to a divorce mediator in Maryland if you want a kinder, smarter, and more affordable divorce. If you’re on the fence and you have a list of concerns related to your divorce, don’t hesitate to Schedule a Free Strategy Session to go over your options. 

 

 

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484.321.6990

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An Overview of Divorce in Maryland

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Most “How to Get Divorced” articles take a rather narrow view, i.e., the legal process. Obviously, these articles are typically written by lawyers. 😉 

How to get divorced can be a multi-faceted, complicated, entangled, frustrating, non-linear, jumble of a messy process. Not surprising, given that there are two spouses, years of history, hot emotions, finances, children, a home, secrets and lies, and hidden agendas involved.

Given all this, though, let me try to keep this “how to get divorced in Maryland” piece as simple as possible for this medium (please contact us for more detail.) Here are what we consider to be three essential components.

#1: Financially Prepare and Protect Yourself Before You Start the Divorce

  • Open a separate checking and credit card account at a new bank
  • Check your credit report and score and then periodically track
  • Establish private communication, e.g., P.O. box, email account
  • Gather and copy financial and legal documents—tax returns, statements for loans, bank and retirement accounts, investments, wills, trusts, deeds, car registrations, insurance policies—and store them outside of the marital home

#2: Talk to Professionals

Most think to first call a lawyer after they talk to a few of their friends and family members. Let me suggest otherwise. Friends and Cousin Amy are great for support but they aren’t likely stellar for advice on how to handle one of the most important and costly events of your life. While well-intentioned, their cases and knowledge of others’ situations are different than yours and you will need the advice of a professional for accurate advice.

You’re best first stop is not with a lawyer but with a far more neutral and resourceful individual: a reputable divorce coach. She or he can help you assess your situation and choose the best path forward and how to execute. They can also help you with setting objectives for how you want to handle the divorce on a personal level, i.e., how to be your “best self.” They can help you better work with a lawyer or mediator, saving you money and significant angst. They are more than anything, the quarterback on your divorce team who can help you assemble the right individuals for the jobs you’ll need to get done.

Lawyers, of course, are a critical component for their knowledge of the legal process. They will often unnecessarily steer you, though, to costly litigation, without regard for what will be best for you and your spouse. Many lawyers are now moving into mediation as its become more popular with divorcing couples, but keep in mind that lawyers aren’t necessarily the best choice for mediation. They are also not equipped to handle the emotional, practical, or complex financial issues of divorce, so make sure you talk to more than just a lawyer early on in the divorce process.

Mediators are a good information source as you consider mediation as a divorce process. Other professionals to consider are a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®) to discuss optimal or creative financial settlement options, or a therapist who may be able to provide extended emotional support.

# 3: Familiarize Yourself with MD Divorce Law and County Procedures

a. Legal Separation

In Maryland, there is no legal separation and as of fall 2023 there is no “limited divorce” which was, essentially, a legal separation. Even without legal recognition of a separation you can still create a legally binding separation agreement that covers such things as child support, spousal support, joint bills, parenting plan, health insurance, loans and other debts, etc.

b. Residency

If the ground for divorce occurred in Maryland, you need only be currently living in Maryland at the time you file for divorce. If the grounds for divorce occurred outside Maryland, you or your spouse must have lived in Maryland for at least six months before filing your divorce complaint.

c. Types of Divorce, Waiting Periods, and Filings

In Maryland, most divorces are no-fault divorces and you can get a divorce without a waiting period if your divorce is mutually consented. A no-fault divorce may also be based on a one year separation.

Additionally, there are at fault divorces which may be treated differently when it comes to awarding alimony and sometimes custody if the fault ground negatively affects the children. At-fault grounds include adultery, actual desertion, and constructive desertion (typically this is cruelty). At-fault divorces will not be granted if the plaintiff is also determined to be at-fault.

Divorce filings are handled by county court. Filing can take place where either of the spouses resides. Each county has its own procedures and fees and should be researched prior to filing.

d. Support, Settlement and Custody Agreements

It’s important to note that if you have financial and custody issues to work out before the divorce is finalized you must do so before the waiting period is over or the decisions will be deferred to the court. The court will look to the filing spouse for their preferences.

If you both hire attorneys and litigate in the courts, you will likely spend a minimum of $30,000 – $40,000. Mediation can reduce fees to less than $10,000. Courts will appoint legal representation for those in need or you can negotiate the financial and custody terms yourselves.

So, that, in a nutshell is “How to Get a Divorce in Maryland.” It’s a bit more nuanced than this as, stated earlier, divorce can be a multi-faceted, complicated, entangled, frustrating, non-linear, jumble of a messy process. For more information on Maryland divorce from a legal perpective, you can go here.

Call or request a consultation if you want more info. 

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484.321.6990

hello@trunorthdivorce.com

Do You Need a Divorce Lawyer to Mediate Your Divorce?

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Now that you decided mediation is probably the right process for your divorce, should you start looking for a divorce lawyer who mediates? No, you don’t have to—your mediator does not have to be a divorce lawyer and a lawyer may not even be the best fit to help you successfully mediate a divorce and obtain an optimal financial settlement.

Mediator Qualities

A divorce mediator needs to be skilled, experienced, and knowledgeable in divorce negotiation, finance, and state laws and procedures. Other ideal qualities include being adaptable, patient, and persistent. None of these qualities requires a law degree nor are divorce lawyers necessarily trained in anything other than laws and procedures. Many lawyers, too, are adversarial by nature or because of their law-school training or courtroom experiences. Unfortunately, this may lead them to unwittingly foster a hostile environment, undermining the cooperative and problem-solving nature of mediation.

The best divorce mediators have been professionally trained in mediation, are fully neutral, know the issues and surrounding laws and procedures, and are also experts in complex financial matters surrounding the divorce. Many today are choosing a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) to mediate their divorce, recognizing that a CDFA® has unique qualities and skills to develop optimal and creative settlements that address everyone’s best long-term interests.

Legal Documents and Attorney Review

Now, divorce does require legal documents and filings and you may want an attorney or other legal professional to do that for you. Once you have your signed Memorandum of Understanding from your mediator, you can easily create your own documents. This can be accomplished with many inexpensive online services or by just relying on the information and forms provided on county websites. Alternatively, TruNorth Divorce offers assisted and full-service divorce processing options–you never have to speak with a lawyer or step foot in a courthouse!

Some individuals or couples, even if they use a divorce mediator who is also a lawyer, will want to involve attorneys. This might be to have their own attorney(s) counsel them during the mediation process and/or have them review the Memorandum of Understanding and Settlement Agreement once the mediation has been completed. It’s always wise to take this extra step and I encourage my clients to do so. In my experience, though, most do not.

When Not to Mediate

We recognize, of course, that mediation is not the best choice for every divorce and that you may need to involve the court’s oversight (with or without a divorce lawyer). Mediation may not be the right path, for example, when there’s been or is the threat of violence in the relationship or when one of you is just not willing to take into account the other person’s interests.

Assessment

If you’re seriously thinking mediation might be the best path for you and your spouse, take time to assess your needs and what skill-set, training, and qualities would best serve you. Read our free e-Book to learn about some steps you should be taking before you divorce. Talk to a few potential mediators and choose one that you and your spouse feel most comfortable with. You only get to do this divorce once and it could have long-term implications for your (and possibly your children’s) emotional and financial health.

Get A free Consultation

Schedule Now

484.321.6990

hello@trunorthdivorce.com

Are You Going to Be a Winner or Loser In Your Divorce?

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My experience as a child of divorce had a profound and lasting impact on me. I was ten then and if I wasn’t already hard-wired to become the strong woman that I am today, dealing with my parents’ divorce would have made me one. It affected my choices in men, need for accomplishment and independence and, ultimately, it lead me to a career of championing winners in divorce.

My father was liberated in his newly-single life: he dated frequently and widely, learned to cook, grew his business into one of the most celebrated in its industry at the time, frequently took his boat out for a spin on the Chesapeake, and was even being cited as one of our city’s most eligible bachelors in Baltimore Magazine.

My mother, meanwhile, was so devastated by her divorce that she attempted suicide after the birth of my sister, with whom she was four months pregnant when my father announced he was leaving. Just 33 years old, my mom was attractive, smart, sweet, and capable, but she never recovered and died much too early of a disease that, I’m convinced, was brought on by a broken heart never mended and the inability to embrace life after her marriage ended. If ever there was a dichotomy between winners and losers in a divorce, my parents’ was a notable example.

There are winners and losers in divorce. At least that’s what the late Judith Wallerstein told us in her seminal book on the longer-term impact of divorce, Second Chances: Men, Women, and Children a Decade After Divorce. While such a dichotomy is now considered more a spectrum, I have spent much time since reading her book considering the question of what makes someone a winner or a loser in divorce.

So, what makes someone a winner in divorce? It’s really simple: being a winner in divorce is about deciding to be one. Do you choose to wallow in misery, cry the blues, dedicate your life to getting even, fold because you never want to be so hurt or vulnerable again? Or do you pick yourself up, stand tall and make an affirmative choice to create the best life you are now able? Winners accept the reality of the divorce, including the necessary changes to the most important elements of their lives—their relationship with their children, their home, career, financial status, and friends. Is it easy? Hell no! You are going to have to work really hard, persevere, be willing to accept setbacks, and most of all, get help—because it’s going to be hard to make good choices when you’re feeling so overwhelmed.

What kind of help are you going to need? If you and your spouse can tolerate each other and want an amicable divorce, start with a divorce mediator, preferably one with specific divorce financial training (a CDFA®). If your circumstances rule out mediation and you instead go the litigation route with lawyers, consider first working with a divorce coach.  You may be thinking “who can afford an entire divorce team when I can barely afford a lawyer?” A divorce coach can, in fact, often help save you money by assisting you in working more efficiently with your lawyer and communicating more effectively with your (ex-) spouse to bring about quicker resolution—all the while at a lower hourly rate than your lawyer’s! A CDFA® may, too, help put more money in your pocket by avoiding costly and irreparable mistakes and getting you a better settlement than you might with a lawyer alone.

Even if you don’t have it in you to make the choice to be a Winner for yourself right now, do it for your children. Kids, no matter their age, need two strong parents, not one winner and one loser. The research strongly supports that children can only win in divorce when their parents are both stable and able to largely focus on their children’s needs. Conflict and despair take precious energy that could otherwise be spent on being a good parent to your children.

Being a winner in divorce starts with making the choice to get through your divorce with courage, emotional maturity, and integrity and, eventually, to thrive again in your un-coupled life. Your divorce team, and especially a trained divorce coach, is critical in doing so. I so wish my mom had chosen to be a winner—it would have made all the difference in her life. And mine.

 

How to Get a Divorce in Pennsylvania

by |

Most “How to Get Divorced” articles take a rather narrow view, i.e., the legal process. Obviously, these articles are typically written by lawyers. 😉

How to get divorced can be a multi-faceted, complicated, entangled, frustrating, non-linear, jumble of a messy process. Not surprising, given that there are two spouses, years of history, hot emotions, finances, children, a home, secrets and lies, hidden agendas involved.

Given all this, though, let me try to keep this “how to get divorced in Pennsylvania” piece as simple as possible for this medium. Here are what we consider to be three essential components.

#1: Financially Prepare and Protect Yourself Before You Start the Divorce

  • Open a separate checking and credit card account at a new bank
  • Check your credit report and score and then periodically track
  • Establish private communication, e.g., P.O. box, email account
  • Gather and copy financial and legal documents—tax returns, statements for loans, bank and retirement accounts, investments, wills, trusts, deeds, car registrations, insurance policies—and store them outside of the marital home

 #2: Talk to Professionals

Most think to first call a lawyer after they talk to a few of their friends and family members. Let me suggest otherwise. Friends and Cousin Amy are great for support but they aren’t likely stellar for advice on how to handle one of the most important and costly events of your life. While well-intentioned, their cases and knowledge of others’ situations are different than yours and you will need the advice of a professional for accurate advice.

You’re best first stop is not with a lawyer but with a far more neutral and resourceful individual: a reputable divorce coach. She or he can help you assess your situation and choose the best path forward and how to execute. They can also help you with setting objectives for how you want to handle the divorce on a personal level, i.e., how to be your “best self.” They can help you better work with a lawyer or mediator, saving you money and significant angst. They are more than anything, the quarterback on your divorce team who can help you assemble the right individuals for the jobs you’ll need to get done.

Lawyers, of course, are a critical component for their knowledge of the legal process. They will often unnecessarily steer you, though, to costly litigation, without regard for what will be best for you and your spouse. Many lawyers are now moving into mediation as its become more popular with divorcing couples, but keep in mind that lawyers aren’t necessarily the best choice for mediation. They are also not equipped to handle the emotional, practical, or complex financial issues of divorce, so make sure you talk to more than just a lawyer early on in the divorce process.

Mediators are a good information source as you consider mediation as a divorce process. Other professionals to consider are a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®) to discuss optimal or creative financial settlement options, or a therapist who may be able to provide extended emotional support.

# 3: Familiarize Yourself with PA Divorce Law and County Procedures

a. Legal Separation

In Pennsylvania, there is no legal separation. You are married until you’re divorced. However, you can create a legally binding separation agreement during your period of separation that covers such things as child support, spousal support, joint bills, parenting plan, health insurance, loans and other debts, etc.

b. Residency

One spouse must have been a resident of PA for a minimum of six months to file for divorce in Pennsylvania.

c. Types of Divorce, Waiting Periods, and Filings

You can file a fault-based divorce, which will typically be contested and take years, or a no-fault divorce.

A no-fault divorce can be under mutual consent, wherein you will wait a minimum of 90 days after filing assuming you both sign affidavits of consent. If one of you, though, is not willing to sign, you must then live separate and apart for one year to establish grounds for divorce. Note that you may live in the same home and be considered to have lived separate and apart as long as you are not living as a married couple.

Filing takes place in the county court’s prothonotary’s office. You will then have to serve your spouse the papers and you will have to have an Affidavit of Service as proof your spouse received them. After the required waiting period, you will file final papers, applying for the divorce decree that will state you are officially divorced.

Divorce filings are handled by county court. Filing can take place where either of the spouses resides or where both spouses agree it can be filed. Each county has its own procedures and fees and should be researched prior to filing.

d. Support, Settlement and Custody Agreements

It’s important to note that if you have financial and custody issues to work out before the divorce is finalized you must do so before the waiting period is over or the decisions will be deferred to the court. The court will look to the filing spouse for their preferences.

If you both hire attorneys and litigate in the courts, you will likely spend a minimum of $30,000 – $40,000. Mediation can reduce fees to less than $10,000. Courts will appoint legal representation for those in need or you can negotiate the financial and custody terms yourselves.

So, that, in a nutshell is “How to Get a Divorce in Pennsylvania.” It’s a bit more nuanced than this as, stated earlier, divorce can be a multi-faceted, complicated, entangled, frustrating, non-linear, jumble of a messy process, right?

 

 

Get A free Consultation

Schedule Now

484.321.6990

hello@trunorthdivorce.com