The Goldilocks of Divorce: Why Collaborative Divorce Might Be Just Right

by | Apr 6, 2025

Once upon a time, in the land of Breakupsburg, there lived three divorce options: Papa Bear Litigation (too hot), Mama Bear Mediation (too cold), and Baby Bear Collaborative Divorce. Let’s explore why collaborative divorce might be the bowl of porridge that’s just right for many couples.

Not Too Adversarial, Not Too Kumbaya

Collaborative divorce strikes a balance between the formality of litigation and the informality of mediation. You get legal representation without declaring all-out war. It’s like having a peace treaty and a battle plan at the same time.

Support That’s Just Right

Unlike litigation (where you might feel like a spectator in your own divorce) or mediation (where you might feel under-supported), collaborative divorce gives you a team of professionals without overwhelming you. It’s like having a personal cheering squad, but they all have advanced degrees.

A Structure That Fits

More structured than mediation, but more flexible than litigation, collaborative divorce offers a “just right” process for many couples. It’s like having a map for your journey, but you can still take scenic detours if needed.

The Right Amount of Expertise

You get the financial and child expertise you need, without the overkill of multiple court-appointed experts. It’s like having a Swiss Army knife instead of an entire toolshed – just the right tools for the job.

Pace That’s Not Too Fast, Not Too Slow

Move faster than litigation allows, but take more time than mediation might to really work through issues. It’s like a divorce slow cooker – it takes time, but the results are worth it.

Communication That’s Just Right

More supported than the direct negotiations in mediation, but less adversarial than communication through litigation. It’s like having a translator for those times when you and your ex seem to be speaking different languages.

A Future Focus That Fits

Unlike litigation (which looks mainly at the past and present) or mediation (which might not have the tools to plan extensively), collaborative divorce helps you create a vision for your post-divorce life that’s just right. It’s like having a GPS for your future, not just a rearview mirror.

Why Collaborative Divorce Might Be Your Goldilocks Solution

  1. It’s Flexible: Like Goldilocks trying out different chairs, collaborative divorce allows you to customize the process to fit your needs.
  2. It’s Balanced: Not too hard, not too soft – it strikes the right balance between protecting your interests and promoting cooperation.
  3. It’s Supported: You have a team of experts, like Goldilocks had the three bears (except your team won’t chase you out of the house).
  4. It’s Forward-Looking: While addressing your current issues, it also helps you plan for a future that’s “just right.”
  5. It’s Comprehensive: Like a perfect bowl of porridge, it has all the ingredients you need for a satisfying resolution.

Remember, like Goldilocks, you might need to try a few approaches before you find the one that’s just right. But for many couples, collaborative divorce offers that perfect middle ground – not too hard, not too soft, but just right for moving forward into your new life.

So, if you’re looking for a divorce option that’s not too hot, not too cold, but just right, collaborative divorce might be your Goldilocks solution. It might not come with a fairy tale ending, but it could help you write a pretty good “happily ever after” for your post-divorce life.

Take Control of Your Future

Looking to explore your divorce options including mediation? Berni Stevens, an experienced mediator, divorce coach, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA), supports clients in mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation.

Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!

You can read more divorce related articles, news and resources here. Don’t forget to follow along on social media for helpful divorce tips and resources!

Navigating Divorce Asset Division: Expert Tips for a Fair Settlement (and Who Gets the Dog in Divorce)

by | Oct 30, 2024

When it comes to divorce, dividing assets can feel overwhelming. It’s also often more complicated than simply deciding who gets the dog (though let’s face it, belly rubs do go a long way!). For many couples, the process of dividing assets brings up important questions. For example: What counts as marital versus separate property? And how do you fairly value pensions, estates, or other high-value assets? These are critical decisions that will ultimately shape your financial future, so they require a well-informed and thoughtful approach.

At TruNorth Divorce, we specialize in guiding you through this complex process. Our comprehensive services include divorce financial analysis, mediation, and collaborative divorce, each one focused on making sure that asset division is handled with the utmost expertise and fairness. Whether you’re managing high-net-worth estates or working through the intricate details of a tax-optimized settlement, we’re here to help make these challenging decisions easier. We want both parties to benefit from fair and balanced outcomes, so you can focus on moving forward.

Take Control of Your Future

If you’re beginning to explore your divorce options, including mediation, TruNorth’s Berni Stevens is ready to support you at every step. As an experienced mediator, divorce coach, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA), Berni provides invaluable expertise in mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation. Her mission is to empower clients to make confident decisions that serve their best interests throughout the divorce journey.

Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!

Taking control of your financial future can start with a single step. Set up a free Divorce Strategy Session with us today, and let’s work together to clarify your next steps.

For further insights and support, check out our full collection of divorce-related articles, news, and resources here. And don’t forget to follow us on social media for ongoing tips and resources to help you navigate this journey with greater confidence!

Divorce Property Division in Maryland

by | Mar 15, 2023

 

 

Divorce is expensive even without mistakes. Read on to learn of the top eleven most common financial mistakes made in divorce.     

 

1. Mis-Specifying Marital vs. Separate Assets

 

What’s considered marital property and subject to division? Most will say that any comingling of assets (e.g., depositing the funds in a joint account or using marital funds to pay the mortgage) constitutes an asset as marital. And in some states and counties, even if a portion of an asset that was separate on the date of marriage will, over the years, transition to marital. This can impact considerations of real estate, retirement, inheritances, and more.

 

2. Dividing Each Asset 50/50

 

Too often, lawyers, hearing officers, and judges take the easy way out by forcing division of each asset equally. Why? It’s easy and not easily challenged. This approach, though, fails to consider the needs and wants of each spouse, as well as the tax consequences of and administrative effort in dividing each asset.

 

3. Not Considering an Alimony Buyout

 

No one likes alimony. Payors hate writing the check and the recipient hates depending on it. Plus, if the payor dies or is disabled, the payments stop (an example of why insurance is important post-divorce). Instead, if there are sufficient assets to cover it, calculate the present value of the stream of anticipated payments at an appropriate discount rate and build it into the division of assets.

 

4. Errors in Valuing Executive Compensation

 

If there’s one financial topic that befuddles many, it’s how to treat deferred compensation, including stock options, both qualified and not qualified, as well as restricted stock and restricted stock units. Are they marital or separate? Are they based on past or future performance? Can they be transferred to a spouse/former spouse? What is the correct valuation method: intrinsic value, Black-Scholes, or the binomial method? How are taxes accounted for?

 

5. Not Considering the Possibility of Hidden Assets

 

Given the opportunity and motive, many a spouse will start stashing away funds in anticipation of a divorce, whether for financial security, sense of ownership, or vindication. Tax returns, W-2’s, credit card statements, and bank account statements are all sources to identify diverted funds. Even when not suspected by a client spouse, a quick review of these documents may reveal otherwise unidentified assets.

 

6. Not Looking at Creative Settlement Options to Meet Each Spouse’s Unique Needs

 

What if a spouse wants to keep the house for and can’t get approval for a mortgage buyout? It’s easy to just say “sell” and move on, but there are ways to facilitate the desire of a spouse who wants to remain in the home for a period without undue legal or financial burden to the co-owner spouse. As another example, maybe retirement funds are of utmost concern and alimony/cash flow not so much? A skilled divorce financial expert will come up with alternative settlement options to address the unique needs of each spouse.

 

7. Mistakes in Retirement/Pension Valuation and Division Orders

 

Retirement plans, and especially pensions, are widely misunderstood in divorce. The one who’s name is on the retirement plan thinks they are the rightful owners. Some incorrectly think the “current value” on a pension statement is the value of the pension. Pensions of all kinds, and especially military and federal pensions, require an expert for valuation and drafting of appropriate orders for submission to the custodian.

 

8. Failing to Consider Tax Consequences

 

All assets are not alike when it comes to splitting them in divorce. $250,000 in a 401k is not the same as $250,000 of equity in a house. The former is taxed at an ordinary income tax rate upon withdrawal while the latter may be largely excluded from any taxation and otherwise taxed at the capital gains rate.

 

9. Allowing One Spouse to Keep the House When it’s Not Financially Feasible or Beneficial

 

The marital home is an asset laden with emotion and sentimentality. It’s common to want to keep the house for emotional stability without consideration of the impact on future financial health. Houses don’t necessarily appreciate significantly over time, maintenance expenses are often overlooked or discounted, and a house is not a liquid asset. An objective evaluation is critical before deciding to keep or sell the marital home.

 

10. Not Properly Accounting for a Closely Held Business

 

If a spouse owns a business, is it a source of income, an asset to be valued and divided, or both? If a source of income, do we just look at the tax returns for the business? If to be valued, do you pay a business valuation expert thousands of dollars to get an accurate figure? Get the advice of a divorce financial expert is necessary if one of the spouses owns a business.

 

11. Not Accurately Budgeting for Your Post-Divorce Life

 

Do you have a good hold on where your money goes? Have you really assessed how much you will need post-divorce? Your choice in divorce settlement options needs to be balanced between short-term cash flow needs and long-term net worth.

 

Work with a qualified divorce financial professional, i.e., a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®) to help you avoid costly mistakes in divorce. You only get one chance to get it right.

 

Take Control of Your Future

 

 

 

When you consider divorce, or if you know someone who is contemplating divorce, one of the biggest realities for those in the divorce process is the financial settlement and financial analysis post-divorce. Get the assistance of Berni Stevens, a Mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®.)

 

Berni provides step-by-step guidance on matters related to divorce. With a wide range of experience and expertise related to divorce issues, Berni will simplify the process and provide much-needed clarity in areas such as long-term tax consequences, asset, and debt analysis, dividing pension plans, continued health care coverage, stock option elections, protecting support with life insurance, and much more.

 

 

 

Schedule Your Complimentary Divorce Strategy Session Today!

 

 

Should I Use Divorce Mediation in Maryland?

by | Oct 20, 2021

Once you’ve made the decision to go ahead and move forward with a divorce, the next step is deciding how you want to pursue a divorce settlement agreement. One of the questions that you might ask yourself is whether divorce mediation is the right choice for you here in Maryland.

If you’re getting a divorce in the state of Maryland, the first step is to explore the options that are available to you locally. Did you know that most modern divorces don’t go to court? It’s true. Unless there are issues present that are complicating your divorce and barring you from reaching any kind of reasonable mutual agreement, you probably won’t be needing to hire a family law lawyer to handle your divorce proceedings.

1. Why divorce mediation is a great alternative to hiring a lawyer

If you’re seeking divorce mediation in Montgomery County, you might know that it’s a great alternative to hiring a divorce attorney to handle the proceedings. Why? For starters, divorce isn’t cheap. While the rates charged by divorce mediators and family law lawyers vary by location and different professionals bring with them a different level of expertise, divorce mediation is generally more affordable. Divorce mediators in the US charge anywhere between $100 and $1000 an hour, and the average cost of mediation varies between $3,500 to $7,500 (this is dependent on the nature of mediation services and on how long it takes to reach an agreement). 

2. Mediators are out-of-court settlement negotiation experts

Another reason that many divorcing couples choose to work with divorce mediators over hiring attorneys is that it’s not always necessary for a divorce to go to court. Court is costly in terms of dollars and time spent for all parties involved—you, your soon-to-be-ex, your lawyer, court officials, etc. The fact of the matter is that unless your divorce is hopelessly contested, you will be settling it outside of the courtroom.

The court plays a very small role in uncontested divorces in terms of filing paperwork and submitting fees. Your divorce settlement agreement won’t be legally presided over by a judge but will be recognized and upheld by the court as legally binding. Professional mediators have the expertise and know-how to handle the ins-and-outs of out of court settlements with the same ease that a divorce lawyer can. Both specialize in handling divorce negotiations. Lawyers only provide an edge when the court is involved because they know the court system and can better navigate contested divorces.

3. How to go about choosing a divorce mediator

If you choose to seek out the services of a local mediator, it’s important to do your homework. Ask questions about their mediation process and about the professional expertise that they bring to the table. This will not only help you gauge expectations when it comes to the mediation process, it will provide you with a clear picture of the services you’re paying for.

Looking to explore your options for divorce mediation in the Towson, Maryland area? TruNorth Divorce Solutions can provide divorce mediation packages tailored to fit your needs. Visit our Maryland office or schedule a free strategy session to learn more.

5 Interview Questions for a Divorce Mediator in Annapolis

by | May 25, 2021

 So, you’ve decided to seek a mediation for your divorce, and you’re exploring local options. With emotions running high, picking a divorce mediator in Annapolis can seem like a daunting task. The professional you decide to work with needs to hold a level of your trust—after all, they will be helping you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse navigate the murky waters of divorce.

Choosing a mediator that fits your needs is a careful decision, it’s a good idea to do your homework ahead of time. Thinking about the types of things you might ask a professional mediator before you make the decision to commit to one is a good way to prep for an initial consultation. TruNorth Divorce Solutions has put together a quick list of questions that you might want to ask your prospective mediator.

1.     How do you define success? How do you facilitate this during the mediation process?

This is a great question to ask during your initial meeting with a professional divorce mediator because odds are that this is the first time you’ve sought out a divorce mediation and are unsure about how the process works. Mediation is a collaborative effort between you, your ex, and the mediator you choose to work with.

It’s important to outline expectations before the mediation process begins, and this question can really flush out some of those expectations. Ideally, you want to work towards a divorce settlement that both parties are happy with. Your prospective mediator may go into detail about their strengths and what they bring to the negotiation table.

 

2.     What is your success rate?

This is a great follow up question to ask in tandem with how your mediator defines success. The answer to this question can provide some much-needed confidence and really influence your choice.

The mediator will probably touch on the depth of their experience in the industry and how many divorcing couples they have worked with. They might also have some metrics (i.e., that they have successfully mediated XX divorces in the Annapolis area for X years) of success to share with you that reflect their professional expertise. They may even share some relevant anecdotes.

 

3.     How much does mediation cost?

Ah, the price tag. An important question. Make sure to get these details during your initial consultation. Your mediator may bill hourly or have a flat rate mediation fee. While one divorce mediator in Annapolis may charge $1000 an hour for their services another may have a flat rate fee for services of $7000. Don’t make assumptions and ask for rates up front.

Remember, price isn’t always the main consideration behind choosing a mediator and shouldn’t necessarily deter you. While it is important to stay on budget, you should also consider the level of skill and expertise that the mediator has to offer.

 

4.     How long is each mediation session/how long does mediation typically last?

Another great question to ask your divorce mediator is how long each session will last and how long the process takes overall. These questions can be particularly salient if your mediator bills by the hour. 

 The answer to this question also gives you an idea of how much time you will need to carve out of your schedule for the mediation process. You can also ask about whether your mediator holds private sessions (depending on your circumstances) and other questions surrounding the level of commitment expected of you.

5.      What do your services include?

Being unfamiliar with mediation, you probably want to ask about what is included with their services. Is the mediator drafting up divorce settlement documents for you? Will they be filing them on your behalf? Will you have to pay additional court costs or those included? Asking this question up front will help give you a clear picture of what to expect of your mediator. 

Any reputable mediator would welcome these questions during your consultation, so you shouldn’t hesitate to ask. Looking for a divorce mediator in the Annapolis area? Contact TruNorth Divorce Solutions for a free divorce strategy session. 

 

 

Get A free Consultation

Schedule Now

484.321.6990

hello@trunorthdivorce.com