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Choosing a Divorce Process: What Are the Available Options?

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The complexities of a divorce process depend on a variety of factors, including how long you were married, the residency requirement laws in your state, whether you have children together, own a home together, have significant differences in your income, are self-employed, unemployed, or have debt or joint assets.

If that sounds like a lot, it’s because it is! Don’t worry, TruNorth Divorce is here to help you decode divorce. Your first course of action is to understand the different types of divorce processes and then know the right questions to ask as you debate what works best for you and your unique circumstances. In this piece, we go over available options and we’ll address which questions in our next post.

What are My Options for Divorce?

1. DIY Divorce

Most states provide access to free divorce forms online that you can download and fill out on your own. Generally speaking, though, it’s not a good idea unless you have no assets or children. Mistakes can cost thousands of dollars and you only get one chance to do it right. While it may seem like the most simple divorce process, it can end up being the most costly.

2. Mediation

Mediation includes the use of a mediator, a neutral third party that does not “pick sides” but rather helps both spouses reach a mutually beneficial agreement without the case going to court. You and your spouse ultimately make the decisions but a good mediator isn’t so much a neutral as she is a “dual advocate.” In this role, she will help both spouses identify an optimal financial settlement and make choices that are most beneficial for you both. Other than DIY divorce, mediation is likely to be the least expensive, fastest, and least stressful of the options. It can be the most streamlined process of all.

3. Litigation

Often thought of as the de facto divorce process, litigating a divorce involves both parties having attorneys and involving the court to make decisions regarding support, division of assets, and custody. Litigation should only, though, be considered a last resort, as it’s lengthy and expensive, stressful, divisive, and you’re giving up control of the process and outcome. Sometimes, though, it’s unavoidable.

4. Negotiated Representation

An option where both parties are represented by their own lawyers who negotiate an agreement between them and minimize court involvement. Compared to litigation, a negotiated settlement tends to be less expensive, shorter in duration, and is more confidential than a court-led process, protecting you and your family from public scrutiny.

5. Arbitration

This out of court process entails the resolution of a dispute through an award of damages to a party, decided upon by a neutral third party called an arbitrator. Decisions are binding, enforceable by law, and have very narrow grounds for appeal. The advantage, relative to litigation, is that you stay out of court  and maintain privacy.

6. Collaborative Law 

Collaborative Law is a branded form of a team-supported divorce. Collaborative divorce is a non-adversarial process with specially trained lawyers, mental health professionals, and financial professionals who assist the parties to reach mutually agreeable settlements that are created by the people involved, not the court. In a collaborative divorce case, everyone works together with the commitment of all participants who will engage in a process requiring full disclosure of information by the parties and a commitment to resolve all issues without resorting to litigation.

Which Divorce Process is for me?

Read our guide How to Choose a Divorce Process to help you decide on which process is right for you. If you’re looking for more divorce guidance, please click over to my free ebook, Divorce Financial Planning Guide. And then schedule a private complimentary consultation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The ABCs of Divorce, Separation, & Uncoupling – Part 3

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This week on the TruNorth Divorce Solutions “Divorce is NOT for Sissies” blog series we’re finishing up The ABCs of Divorce, Separation, & Uncoupling with part three as we finish the divorce alphabet.

Q is for Quit Beating Yourself Up

The rates for divorce are difficult to argue with, so you might as well stop blaming it all on yourself. It takes two to create a successful marriage. Use this as an opportunity to explore what your role was in the breakup so that you can move forward and, perhaps, find a more satisfying relationship in the future.

R is for Real Estate

For many, the largest dispute will also be over the largest asset, typically, the house. If you share a home together and it was purchased after you were married, at the time of divorce both spouses will continue to own the house and remain on the deed or mortgage until the divorce is finalized. A CDFA® (Certified Divorce Financial Advisor) can help you determine what should happen with the marital home by answering questions like, who can afford to keep the home, should it be sold and the assets split, can one partner be “bought out”?

S is for Spousal Support

Spousal support is not the same as alimony but many use the terms interchangeably. Spousal support is payments made to the lesser earning spouse before the divorce is final and it’s calculated based on relative incomes of the parties. Alimony, on the other hand, is what one spouse pays another after the divorce and it can be based on many factors, e.g., age, health, length of the marriage, and financial need. In most states today, alimony is seen as rehabilitative and temporary, enabling the lesser-earning spouse to become self-supporting. It’s important to understand how alimony is viewed in your state and even at the local court level. 

T is for Trial

In the case that both parties cannot agree on a mutually beneficial solution, the divorce may ultimately be decided by the court. This entails presenting your case in a formal trial to a judge who will hear both spouses’ cases and then make the final call regarding child support, shared property and assets, and alimony. The vast majority of divorce cases do not go to trial but may still involve the court with motions, petitions, conferences, hearings, and ongoing attorney negotiations until settled. Litigation, or involving the court, takes control out of your hands, can be expensive, and emotionally draining. 

U is for Unbiased Opinions

When someone tells you that you need a professional, what if what they really said was; you need someone who is trained to listen without bias and provide objective feedback on how to process divorce, a very traumatic event. Seek information from a variety of reputable divorce professionals, including a divorce coach, divorce financial planner (CDFA®), mediator, litigator, and mental health therapist.

V is for Visitation

Visitation is a somewhat outdated word as it implies that one parent gets very limited amounts of time just “visiting” with the child(ren). The majority of divorced parents now share both legal and physical custody today. You’ll want a clearly spelled out custody agreement and parenting plan to establish schedules and set boundaries for important decisions regarding the health and welfare of your child(ren).

W is for When You Need Help, Ask

When someone offers you an apple, take the apple. You need support during a divorce as divorce affects all aspects of our lives. Friends and family will be supportive but it’s important to get the right help from professionals, whether therapy, divorce, or parent coaching and financial planning. You want to rely on people you can trust and are objective so you can create clear pragmatic solutions.

Y is for You Won’t Always Feel This Way

Don’t dwell on the past and what has already transpired. It’s happened, and it’s done. There’s no point in analyzing further, all that’s left is to keep walking forward.

Z is for Zen (H2)

As time-consuming as a divorce can be, it is therefore of the utmost importance to keep taking care of you. This means some kind of daily practice that is easy to replicate and won’t cause additional stress.

Yoga, meditation, and mindfulness are great tools for accessing small moments of peace and surrender during hectic schedules and emotional stress. Even five minutes every day can help.

TruNorth Divorce is Here for You

Can you say your divorce ABCs? If you need a more thorough guide to starting your divorce journey, send me a message on Facebook. In the meantime, you can flip through my free ebook, 7 Things to Do Before You Divorce. Above all, take care of yourself!

The ABCs of Divorce, Separation, & Uncoupling – Part 2

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This week on the TruNorth Divorce Solutions “Divorce is NOT for Sissies” blog series we’re following up on The ABCs of Divorce, Separation, & Uncoupling with part two as we continue through the divorce alphabet.

I is for Information

Do your research; gathering information from reputable sources you can count on is your best defense. We offer monthly seminars on a variety of divorce topics to help you prepare.

J is for Just Breathe

This will be your mantra for the next year or so. Every time you feel your shoulders creep toward your ears, every time you tense your chest, or your throat feels tight, exhale. Take a deep breath. Repeat 3-4 times or until your jaw unclenches and you can take full breaths again.

K is for Kids

When separating with children, there are a lot more variables to juggle. Will you need to hire a family lawyer due to custody disagreements? Will you be working with a court liaison or court-appointed child psychologist who advocates on their behalf?

I also recommend a lot of research in this category, as there are a ton of self-help books, free apps, and podcasts dedicated to this tough subject and its brevity. Contact us if you want specific direction.

L is for Litigation

Litigation is a type of divorce dispute resolution and is often turned to when disagreements cannot be solved with mediation. The process involves filing with family court and having a judge or a commissioner determine who gets what, including custody of your children. Litigation should be a last resort.

M is for Mediation

Among divorce processes, mediation is typically the fastest, least stressful and least expensive option, while keeping you and your spouse in control of outcomes. Note: DIY divorce is under almost all circumstances an unwise choice if you have children or marital assets. You only get one chance to get it right, so don’t risk finding out that you could have saved thousands if you’d gotten the right assistance to begin with.

A mediator is a trained, neutral third party who assists both spouses in solving common divorce-related issues. The process is often used by couples who want to stay out of court and decide upon their custody agreement themselves.

N is for Negotiating

The first step to effectively negotiating with your spouse is to check your emotions and execute from a stable perspective. It also entails the ability to see and understand your spouse’s side, emotions, and needs.

The key is to focus on your interests and goals, rather than creating a victim/villain dynamic. Before you start negotiating, however, it’s important to have knowledge of the laws in your state surrounding divorce, especially if you share a child.

O is for Only the Facts

Your lawyer can only help you if you disclose all the facts, especially the ones you’re nervous about. It makes better legal sense to build a defense beforehand than to spring a surprise on your attorney later down the road.

P is for Price

Do you have an adequate picture of the cost of the divorce? The whole thing.The nitty-gritty details like babysitter fees and storage rentals and the sheer amount you’ll end up spending changing your hair after this? Consider your time and energy in addition to out-of-pocket fees and court costs.

TruNorth Divorce is Here for You

Can you say your divorce ABCs? If you need a more thorough guide to starting your divorce journey, send me a message on Facebook. In the meantime, you can flip through my free ebook, 7 Things to Do Before You Divorce. Above all, take care of yourself!

Should I Choose a Family Lawyer for My Divorce?

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family lawyer

When you make the decision to get divorced, you might find yourself wondering how to even begin the process. Do you need to hire a family lawyer? Most of us have seen divorce portrayed in movie scenes with cutthroat attorneys arguing back and forth over the family home and possessions. Affairs are uncovered, crimes are plotted, and things always seem to be very complicated.

But what most folks don’t realize is that this isn’t an accurate representation, it’s Hollywood drama. The divorces of the real world rarely play out like that and would make for terrible entertainment. The truth is, that unless you have personal experience, you probably don’t realize that for amicably parting couples, divorce is largely a financial transaction. Most divorces never make it to the courtroom.

Many divorcing couples choose to work with family divorce mediators over hiring a family lawyer. One of the reasons for this is that it’s often the least cumbersome and most cost-efficient path to an uncontested divorce. Litigation is usually the last choice, but whether you end up in court really depends on how willing both spouses are to negotiate and compromise on sometimes complicated financial and parenting issues.

So, how do you determine whether choosing to hire a family lawyer or hiring a mediator is appropriate for you?

 

♦ Things are Messy and the Divorce Settlement Process is Involved

If you are involved in a contested divorce filled with pain points and emotional turmoil, hiring a family law lawyer is probably a smart move. Divorce mediation requires collaboration. If you can’t see eye-to-eye and every open dialogue during the negotiation process somehow reaches an impasse, mediation may not be right for your divorce.

♦ There is a Serious Threat of Violence Involved in Your Relationship

Mediation is not recommended if you are exiting an abusive marriage. Breaking away from an abusive relationship presents its own set of challenges. Your soon-to-be-ex-spouse has already demonstrated that they are not concerned about your well-being. The state of Maryland provides some dedicated resources for victims of domestic violence. You can also call 1-800-MD-HELPS for support.

 

Family Divorce Mediation as an Alternate to Attorney Services

If your divorce is uncontested, mediation may be the right choice for you. Mediators who specialize in divorce should be knowledgeable about state laws and legal procedures and skilled in divorce settlement negotiation. When you separate the emotional aspect from the act of divorce, finances and the division of shared marital assets becomes the focus of negotiation. That’s why some mediators become Certified Divorce Financial Analysts® (CDFA®), refining their skillset to help clients expertly navigate any financial pitfalls when it comes to dividing marital assets. CDFAs® specialize in identifying financially sound and creative divorce settlements that take the interests of both parties involved into account. With a CDFA® you get an optimal settlement that is based on accurate valuations, taxes, and both the short and long term impact on your financial health.

Filing Legal Documents and Retaining a Lawyer

Some divorcing couples work with mediators but also decide to retain a family law attorney to review the final documents and paperwork before officially filing. While this isn’t necessary and many divorcing couples choose to circumvent the process to save money on attorney fees, TruNorth Divorce doesn’t discourage clients from working with a family lawyer as a consultant. 

Processing your divorce does not require that you work with an attorney. At TruNorth Divorce we offer assisted and full-service divorce processing–you will never have to speak with an attorne or step foot in a courthouse!

Additional Support

Going through a divorce can be difficult. But remember, you aren’t alone. As with any stressful life event, it’s good to reach out to your support network. While friends and family offer one such avenue of support, talking to a counsellor or mental health professional and seeking out divorce support groups are healthy paths that can help you through this big life transition. Visit our website to learn more about divorce mediation, explore our resources, or schedule a free consultation.

The ABCs of Divorce, Separation, & Uncoupling – Part 1

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A is for Always Explore All Your Options

There is more than one way to get a divorce and you shouldn’t just pick up the phone to call a lawyer. You may find yourself two years later and tens of thousands of dollars poorer with still much unresolved. Frankly, DIY is rarely a sound option if you have assets or children. Mediation is a good first stop and only hire a lawyer if there are reasons mediating just won’t work. If you do hire a lawyer, ask him or her how they approach their cases–negotiation with the other party and their attorney is always preferable to involving the courts and litigating. 

B is for Begin Gathering Requested Information As Soon as Possible

There will be a lot of financial information needed for financial analysis for asset division and support and this can be a bit overwhelming at first glance. It takes time to gather and organize all of this, so begin as soon as possible.

You will need a copy of any prenup or postnup agreement, tax returns, W2 forms,pay stubs, mortgages, life insurance policy statements, credit card statements, checking, savings, and retirement account statements. 

C is for CDFA

A CDFA® is a certified divorce financial analyst® who can help you form a clear picture of your finances before, during, and after divorce. Having a CDFA® on your team provides valuable knowledge and guidance through tax consequences, optimal asset distribution, and short/long-term financial planning. Consider adding a CDFA® to your team for your best financial outcome.

D is for Don’t Seek Revenge

While it may feel good for a few hours to aggressively garner some retail therapy, overspending during and after the divorce is a common pitfall for couples.

In fact, when children are involved, one parent can use spending money or buying “treats” as a way to outplay the other parent and manipulate the child into choosing sides. This revenge tactic only hurts your family…and your bank account in the long run. 

E is for Envisioning Your Future

The more brain power you can spend on imagining your awesome new future, the less you’ll be ensnared by negative thoughts. Intentionally cultivate these images of what your new life will resemble, and it will be much easier to achieve. Just sit back and imagine yourself already in that new life; what does it look like, who is there, how do you feel? Paint that picture as many times a day as necessary. 

F is for Final

Marital asset distribution and most alimony awards are not modifiable after the divorce unless you can prove fraud. You only get one chance to get it righ!

G is for Go Get Your Own Banking Account

After a divorce, your credit score and finances can take a hit. It’s feasibly better to open up your own bank accounts and credit cards before you file, and start building your own financial identity,

H is for Hire Your Divorce Team

Divorce cuts across all aspects of our life and you need support to address not only the legal and procedural, but also emotional, financial, and parenting. 

TruNorth Divorce is Here for You

Can you say your divorce ABCs? If you need a more thorough guide to starting your divorce journey, send me a message on Facebook. In the meantime, you can flip through my free ebook, 7 Things to Do Before You Divorce. Above all, take care of yourself!